Although the words "toilet" and "balls" probably trigger some deep disgusting sexual tale from your past, I assure you that This "CLOUD OF DOOM" story is not exactly going to paint a pretty picture in your mind, but, all these stories are funny and would make a damn good movie.
NOON, earlier today:
I was watching DVDs on my MACbook in bed, feeling a bit crappy and all of a sudden I had this horrible familiar feeling like someone was scratching at my intestins and inner stomach. Like swallowing razor blades or my best friend's Voostoff knives, the pain is so uncomfortable.
*I have chron's desease, so I have these flair ups that sometimes pass quickly, others may stay for weeks.
I was an olympic athlete today; I hopped out of bed - laptop in hand and raced to my second favorite spot in the house. Anyway, all systems were a go, 3 seconds more and I jwould have had to go buy new underwear.
So after hurricane Colin subsided, as usual I got back to watching Stargate on the laptop. I had no intention of drip-drying, but I had to wait a bit longer. I have had too many false ending to my toilet visits lately - where I usually have to run right back and piss out my ass some more.
What I had forgotten was the old courtesy flush. This serves two purposes; 1) It helps the stench evaporate, preserving life a little longer in the can. 2) When you have chron's you end up tripling your usage of TP (toilet paper), thereby increasing your chance of blocked commode.
Engrossed in Stargate, I went about my usual clean-up regiment while Colonel Jack O'Neil saved planet Earth for the 9Th time. I flushed, getting ready for round two of post-poo leakage control. I had the volume on the computer up as loud as possible because the sound of a flushing toilet pisses me off when I am watching a show in there. I didn't notice the rising of the bowl water.
When I looked down I saw floating shit-NO, wait.. it was my ball sack that was floating, and on a huge turd too. So fucking disgusting. Nobody like Shit-Balls, and worse than that I had the gross job of cleaning myself up in the shower right after. This is disgustingly familiar. remind me to write about my 18Th birthday 15 years ago...
This is just a snippet of my life, the highlights. the fact that these are highlights is sad in itself.
so my advice;
- 1 or 2 courtesy flushes (even during will help)
- If you have greasy ass leakage after your shit, just keep wiping.
- Make DAMN sure you flush allot if this is the case.
- This applies even more importantly if you are a guest in some one's home!
- If you have balls, don't let them float on turds. never.
